Dodging Metro Brown Storm at 70 mph

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Dodging Metro Brown Storm at 70 mph

This story begins after successfully flying to Santiago, Chile with a near record amount of luggage:  kayak, 2 inflatable SUP boards, Chevy Tahoe Rear Lift gate window, and random personal supplies.  After securing Budget Rentals most economical car, Chevy Spark, I’m happily cruising on the Autopista, freeway, when something dramatic happens.

Driving at 70 mph through metro Santiago on the six-lane autopista I’m focused with kayak riding shotgun. A Chevy Tahoe rear window has been delivered to a mechanic and I’m driving to the Rio Maipo proud of myself for making the trip unscathed.  The truck diagonal lane to the left and 30’ in forward is carrying three standing port-a-pots.  The middle plastic brown room is beginning to sway back and forth and the three are not tied.  My posture locks holding the wheel tight and pulling my chest forward to the wheel on the edge of my seat.  “Ohh… HEY MANN… Slow DOWN.. Stopp!”  My mind is racing as fast as the scene unfolds.

“Ohhhh… ohhh shit… that port-a-pot is going to fly.”  It’s obvious that in the near future I have two options:  hit the gas and get in front of the potential oncoming Brown Storm or hit the brakes.  The Chevy Spark is loaded full pushing a solid 70 mph and probably not capable of a preferred Nascar pass.

The middle port-a-pot makes three consecutive sways that get larger with each period.  Sway #2- “Ohhhhhh… noooo… it’s going!”  Sway #3 and the latent Brown tornado flutters and hovers in the trucks eddy above the truck bed.  As it floats my life passes before my eyes, “Is this the way it all ends for you?  Crashing into a port-a-pot and sliding through shit?”  The plastic containers catch the outside air and begin their flight.

The moment ends safely. The Chevy Spark packed full is halted sideways in the right lane of high-speed metro as traffic changes lanes to pass. Perched forward on the wheel, heart pounding, wipers flapping, I’m staring at a port-a-potty parked 5’ in front the Spark.

“GAME ON DAVVVVE!” It happened so fast but I remember it all in slow motion like a scene from the movie, Matrix.  In my Chevy Spark I’ve transformed into Jeff Gordon.  A well-trained reliable foot applies a subtle brake pressure as to avoid any unnecessary skid marks.  The back two plastic excretion rooms are floating and tumbling through the air.  It will take the perfect zig, too late, zag.  The back pot slides into the left wall rebounding back to the middle as I swerve and easily pass.  The middle poo-pot is closer as it rotates landing on the top corner. No time to think. Just react.  It thumps and the door flies open with an explosive spray of brown and settles into a skid crossing lanes.  Together at the same velocity poo-poo pot and Chevy Spark skid forward and to the right.  Cut the wheel; apply perfect brake pressure to not slide.  Hit the wipers, hit the wipers, control it, control it. Brown Splash. Swerve.

No harm is done other than the car looking like it’s been through a small mud puddle.

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When you need the best equipment… Choose CKS.

By David Hughes

CKS Content Media Specialist

Owner- Pucon Kayak Hostel, Your economical Chile destination with beds, kayak rentals, and beginner to advanced rivers.  “Keep Kayaking.”

Director- Huge Experiences’ New River Academy, “And that has made all the difference.







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